if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
Hippo gnu deer
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
Just watered mom's plants with leftover mixed drinks full of Bacardi Silver. I'm such a good daughter.
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
I fucked my cousin and caught chlamydia this year. I can't really harbour any illusions about myself anymore.
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
Downloaded the Pocket Penguin app. There are now penguins living in my phone. Technology is wonderful.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
you know you're drunk when you start breaking down your body composition into organic molecules
She was all for the threesome til I showed her a pic of my boyfriend. I think I should re-evaluate my life decisions.
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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