Just took a final in the room where I lost my virginity. I think it was god luck.
I just called my cat a slut and she responded. Proudest moment ever.
Ill bet we could have atleast fucked a girl who fucked a guy who has fucked tara reid. That's a famous circle right?
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
I think we should get high on adderall and nair each other again for New years.
Dedicating my hangover to whoever the hell I hooked up with in the bathroom last night.
just kidding, dedicating it to the gods of mexican food. omnomnom
An outback commercial just played and I remembered that guy from Australia Imade out with at the Derby. Great Bachelorette Party, btw.
Your friend, the one I told I would brush his teeth with my tongue, what's his name again?
I can taunt you with whatever I want. Like batman and sex.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
Novelty of the week: Getting my lipstick back in an evidence bag
Last night I was introduced as the Picasso of getting fucked up so I obviously had to live up to it by chugging long islands
side note: on a scale of 1-10, how bad an idea is it to hook up with 9 cats guy?
Don't be alarmed when we finally get naked and I let out a WOOHOO!!!
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
Randomize
