Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
he locked me out then poked me with a fork when i tried to get in through the window
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
I just saw a commercial for God of War and heard the nickname he gave my vagina.
Our lady landlord called. Dot worry, I handled it. Drunk. Tell her it was Nate. Done. Good. Bye. Drunk.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
I was just like oh sorry I'm peeling meanwhile my legs are on either side of his head and I look like a fucking Komodo dragon
We got way too high so we're sitting in the parking lot of the movies trying to figure out what bar to go to
He claimed he was the best ass eater of the south. He was right.
Hey, it's not my fault that you had a shitty bed frame that couldn't handle the rough sex you're into.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
I may or may not have spent student loan money on a vibrator, that falls under living expenses right?
Is it weird to invite your FWB to thanksgiving dinner??
I think someone shaved off all their pubes in the handicap stall or a werewolf stopped by the office to take a crAzy dump!
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