i wonder what megan fox's vagina feels like.
Heaven soaked bacon.
I just woke up with streamers wrapped around me. Glitter in my hair. My fish are swimming in empty bottles of Barcardi. Helpppp
There's a girl at 7-11 apologizing for her behavior and asking if she can get her shoes back.
The first aid guy just told us to go get hammered...I'm taking his advice
I am literally the only girl who can black out and wake up pantsless and STILL be 99% sure I didn't get any.
Someone downtown drunkenly stole the antenna off of her car... while she was driving.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
Day drinking! Today! (tomorrow too!) Our place! Whenever you get off work! Ready go!
They've already turned me into the Dean of Students once because they felt 'unsafe' because I came home hammered and asked one of them to make me a grilled cheese sandwich. Like, I just ASKED!
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
It's not a walk of shame if you run
I'm drinking because I just started here and every single person I work with wants to quit and when I asked a coworker how she's doing she literally just started crying.
Randomize
