yeah that facebook group of people who have had sex with me probably isn't to discreet...
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Apparently I did my philosophy paper last night. It's not bad either.
He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
She's like the little sister I never had ... except for the fact we're having sex.
Can you check your dirty laundry bag for my tooth.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
Thanks for letting me use your ID, there's $120 along with your ID in the mail to cover the Urinating in public fine I got last night....sorry
'lets look at pictures of your friend's new baby' was probably the worst post-sex idea we've ever had
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
How do you get kicked out of 3 different Subways in one night..
Not very gracefully, that's how.
Just taxi'd to the airport holding a zip lock bag of my own vomit. Bachelorette success.
not that i'm not about exploiting men for money
The most awkward thing in the morning is seeing your teacher's dick right before you go to his class.
Randomize
