i wanna do a homemade sex video in sepia and pretend were in the early 20th c
You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
just took my exes job. there should be an award for how many times I've managed to fuck that girl's life
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Apparently telling a group of crying girls that it looks like they need a visit from Dr. Phil isn't the best pickup line.
I'm in new territory... I've never had to convince a guy to let me give him head as an apology.
He said he got a lot of action last night. I asked how much? And he said he got to see down her shirt. Freshmen never cease to amaze me.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
He's bringing condoms over for me in case we "bone".... the fact he calls it boning is not a great start.
Also when they left they could only find one sock between the two of them. Apparently we're like crazy sock ripping vixens when we bring guys home drunk
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
At this point it's more of an experiment to see how much actual bush growth is possible. See, being single can be both educational and surprisingly comfy!
I promise not to pretend to be Jesus and take the wheel. But to my credit you shouldn't be saying that while I'm that drunk and we are in a car.
Randomize
