I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
She had been watching Bad Girls Club where the annoying girl always says "I RUN L.A.". After she got wasted she kept going up to strangers at the bar yelling "I RUN FAYETTEVILLE." I peed in her drink.
Just woke up on a dolphin floaty wearing only a party hat. There's blood on the side of the pool and glass in the sauna. Worst fucking hangover. But some guy said he is making crepes so its ok
Tostitos Scoops as shot glasses. Eat for chaser.
My chemistry professor just asked me if I ever found a ride home from the bar last Saturday
Drunk me needs to be reminded of my sexual preferences.
at least it wasnt animals
He doesn't care. He wouldn't care if my vag grew arms and smacked him in the face.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
Got done with class, now I'm buying MD 2020 with the ex. Sure feels like college.
I need to be drunk within 15 minutes of getting home tonight.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
I never thought I'd end up with a prison pen pal through tinder
I'm sorry my shit is everywhere... I accidentally got drunk while packing
Unexpected pro of the hostel though: literally down the street from Coors Field. I could literally fart on the building in five minutes.
Randomize
