Ugh now I'll have to carry around an overnight bag to all the bars I visit tonight. but hey! maybe I'll meet a dude! And need it!
pick me up and take me to a bathroom i have to shit
no
the bathroom is right infront of the beerpong table
im sorry you werent invited but you live 2 blocks away PLEASE
then they high fived as they party boyed me. I was a policewoman sandwhich. I love you halloween.
Don't tits with veins remind you of road maps?
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
He called me on my way to the bathroom and told me he wanted to hear me pee my beers out... That. Drunk.
I feel like an elephant shit on me and left me to be miserable
Well since your going through her phone..look man she loves you..she just loves my dick more
There is a guy here calling himself the pants less weed fairy
HE TALKS ABOUT HIS DICK IN THIRD PERSON ABORT MISSION ABORT FUCKING MISSION
Let's celebrate our country being screwed by screwing.
How are you supposed to wish the guy you send nudes to good luck for the first day of his new job??
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
Good Morning! You are sterile right?
Don’t get me wrong—I love silver and bracelets—but handcuffs are not a good look on me…
Randomize
