Ever since he's come out, my facebook stalking experience has gotten uncomfortable
I just caught myself doing the gator chomp to my tv. I need to get laid.
I just looked at the maps icon on my IPhone and "eR" was typed in the search address bar. I wonder if we ever got there.
You are two creepy Justin Bieber quotes away from me not talking to you for the rest of the day
If I had a pelvic thrust emoticon, I would use it
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
Saw on the news tonight that Hamilton county's syphilis rate is 9x the national average...use protection!
Thanks, mom.
You know how hard it is to drive a dirtbike down a road with 2 plants of weed on your lap. Fucking hard
Careful, it's a slippery slope to discovering you're bisexual...trust me.
He walked in on me masturbating and on my phone but got mad because I wasn't watching porn just tweeting
Two grav bong hits and a shower later and I'm ready for company
It's like you say things that speak to my soul on a deep personal level
I woke up this morning to find my closet lacking 98% of my clothes and a text from my male roommate saying your dresses squeeze my genitals
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I'm not drunk or hungover and I don't have to work. My body is sooo confused!
Randomize
