masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
This girl in the gym has an amazing body...too bad there's no workout routine for a face.
She sucked my dick when I had a concussion. It was the coolest feeling ever but the doctor said it was a bad idea. He's obviously gay.
His fridge was full of blocks of pepperjack cheese, and his pantry was stocked with huge jars of jellybeans. Even if I'd been drunk, I don't think I could've made that up.
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
Everyone was hooking up and I was just by myself rolling around in the grass at one point ... Which I am allergic to.
I am incapable of maintaining a guy's interest in me. It's like erectile dysfunction but with feelings
You're cock blocking me from my own boyfriend. What kind of shit is that?
I've never had sex with me but I assume there are worse ways to be woken up.
I feel like I don't show you my boobs enough. And you deserve to see them like all the time
He had been licking my nipple for like 5 minutes and it wouldn't get hard. He asked me to lick my own and when I did, instant hardness. I realized I'd rather have sex with myself then this guy ..
I don't remember anything beyond the drinking game but I woke up in my own pee this morning so I'm just gonna go out on a limb and say I overdid it.
I’ve been home 1 day and already had sex with my ex and got a blowie from her cousin and currently I’m getting molested by a cougar at the bar!!!! Plenty to give thanks for this year!!!!
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
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