I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
I was totally willing to let her keep giving me blowjobs as long as she didn't think we were in a relationship.
I just googled if crying burns calories
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
Are you in a cab?
I'm close- can you order me a bowl of vodka?
You sir are most definitely in. Better get your penis an umbrella as that bad boy is gonna get soakkkkkkeddddd.
I'm watching him slurp a whole mango out of her hand. It's disturbingly arousing.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
My dating life has become some fucked up hydra of dicks; you cut one off and two pop up in its place.
Think of something healthy and responsible. Now think of the exact opposite, let's do the latter
WHY DID HE INTRODUCE ME TO HIS MOM? CAN'T HE JUST HIDE ME LIKE EVERYONE ELSE I'VE EVER DATED?@!
How's Vegas?
Woke up with a sculpture of my own head. Been trying to find Ashley for two days. so pretty not too bad.
Just stay awake and booze cruise it to class. How are you a senior and have never went to class drunk? No excuses, I have a better gpa.
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
Randomize
