Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
Thats a flattering suggestion doug but lets be clear NO you may not put your face in my vagina just because ur not charging me a cover. sorry.
Is it because I queefed?
i feel this outfit says i'm better than you, but i might give you a handjob behind a building
he kept telling me that god made these magical balloons called condoms
now you know why we've never bought a 12 pack of king cobras before.
Plotting your own moral demise should not be this fun
I SWALLOWED her nuva ring. Please tell me how your night could have been worse.
pre-gaming in the library. just gonna keep going until i'm too drunk to keep working and then i'll be there.
You insisted we help some homeless guy put up posters for his missing pet alligator so we left you there because they were really just Chinese takeout menus.
I am making dinner in lingerie and heels and there is a 75% chance his roommate is going to walk in on this.
Yup. There he is. This conversation is awkward.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
I just want to get drunk and wake up on Wednesday
Some guy named spider just bought me 5 shots
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Randomize
