but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
I intend to get homeless drunk
No, he grudge fucked my ex so I wouldn't be tempted to get back with her. He is either the worst or best friend ever.
Apple Jack is not a good idea for breakfast. Whiskey can't replace milk.
whenever he goes down on me he looks at me and I just want to poke him in the eyes
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
I'm covered in egg mcmuffin wrappers and my room smells like dead hooker.
He was trying to hotbox the banana suit. Of course we traded him for vodka.
No we don't really celebrate valentines day, we just use it as an excuse to drink 3 bottles of red wine and fuck for a few hours.
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
he won't tell me his last name, but I know his garage key code
Sorry 4 always trying to rope you into my sexual exploits
Do you think in an oreo forest they would have rivers of milk?
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