Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
...and the foreplay consisted of me threatening to cut off his hand if he didn't remove it from my back.
booty call hours are between 1:30-3:00 AM thurs-sat with the exception of major drinking holidays and election days. please try again
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
It's a pretty amazing thing to watch... He used "Rad tits" as his pick up line of the night. And it worked... 3 times
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
Yeah except my drinking partners aka my parents went to sleep Cuz ya know, they're old.
You ever fart so hard while you are asleep that you wake up screaming?
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
I'm not finished with being a sloppy white girl alcoholic. I didn't postpone having a husband and kids for sober weekends.
Current state of being: shivering like a new born kitten on the bathroom floor
mate iv just woke up in the garden. either help me inside or bring out my vodka
Randomize
