Uh i was pretty wasted sat, so if i was weird it wasnt me. It was just vodka bein weird w my phone
Tonite tequila might call you
Be prepared
last night i got mauled by 2 gay men who were trying to make each other jealous by making the other think they could swing back- you're going to love atl
Woke up in a pool of alcohol sweat. Probably could wring out my sheets and make a decent cocktail.
I feel like one of those toads that you lick to get high or find a prince.... cept when you lick me you find a drunk whore.
see you put your penis in her and it's like an ignition key to start the crazy
My porch is a mess of peanut butter and tostitos...thanks for that.
I asked you if you were ok and you said "dude I'm fine, I'm in the recovery position"
i still can't believe we survived that barcrawl. the third bar had bullet holes and we still went in.
2 hours later, she made her cat watch the waterfall scene from Homeward Bound to teach her how good she has it here.
It took me three days, but I managed to nearly get arrested on my way out of LA. Made it to the airport. Crisis averted, though. The real crime is, my flight is delayed two hours.
What happened?
New Orleans
Every time
So was this before or after he cried about trump?
After
I am talking to a naked lesbian about robots. I think this means I win life.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
If you can endure a laser on the butthole, you can endure a wax on the butthole. Those are words to live by.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
Randomize
