the beds are so narrow its like a jenga threesome
): 100 percent naked, unless you count a tiara as clothing.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
I'm not gonna not go for it, she's foreign and pulled a shotglass out of her thong.
I'm sick of being broke. I had vicodin and frosting for lunch.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I think I threw my underwear away at What-A-Burger last night.
He came over drunk in a speedo i told him he has my vote he said who are you voting for when i said obama he took off running and shouting i was worthless like an empty beer can
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Why would you get kicked out?
Well, an overweight man is currently not wearing a shirt. Or pants. And is getting in touch with his inner Chippendale. You can probably fill in the blanks.
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
You told him he “could park his dick in your garage”.
Well he didn’t. It shouldn’t be this hard to get a penis.
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