I remember going home with 2 girls. Woke up with 4.
apparently i traded the tiffany necklace my mom bought me for 2 shots and next in line for beer pong at the frat.
My dad just came home, said hi to mom and me in the kitchen, and then said "I'm gonna go inject my blood with iguana saliva".
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
I think I reached optimum potential when I summersaulted straight into a kiddie pool.
No, earlier you attempted Jenga with everyones shoes.
I've used my house key more to do bumps of coke than I've used it to get in my house.
I already googled the effects of Molly with my antibiotics, I should be fine.
Why is there even a knowledge base for that?!
No more stories ab the wkend for co-workers... No one else found "and I didn't have pants on when I got home Saturday night" as funny as I did.
It's cosmic balancing. My vagina is an instrument of karmic retribution.
Best day ever, my junk is bigger than Kate Uptons boyfriends. Yay for Fappening day!
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
Pillow talk?
can't do it. no eye contact either.
Where have you been all my life
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
Randomize
