When I went to court, my judge's name was Honorable Ball. I couldn't stop laughing.
that probably didn't help your case.
tod's in jail
he was afraid of holiday checkpoints so we let him ride my mom's tandem bike home. by himself. at 4 am.
You threw up. And every time you flushed you would wave and go "Bye Bye!" and then when the new water came you would greet it with "Helloooo!"
he just invited me over for the 3 p's...pepsi pizza and porn...I'm gonna marry him
swear to god, just saw some chick dressed in a full chicken costume buying eggs and telling the cashier that she "just wants her babies back."
buy whatever she's on. a lot of it.
Well apparently "don't come inside of me" wasn't one of the English phrases he understood! On the bright side... At least he will get his green card for having an american kid!
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
there's a girl in the coffee shop just eating a pint of ben & jerry's
SMART GIRL
We stopped midfuck cuz a guy was walking his dog. Who the fuck walks their dog in the dorm parking structure at 3am!?
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I feel like I grabbed someones dick last night, & if I didn't I'll be disappointed in myself
Yeah. It's just like I have his virginity and he has my shoes and where do we go from here.
Rock bottom: having sex rejected while your boyfriend talks in his sleep as you stuff your face with Girl Scout cookies
We've been fucking like crazy ever since she quit her job..ive been running errands all day to stay out of the house and give my dick a day of rest
I hate my life now
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