I least I know I can't get pregnant because it's on my hair
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
girls just need to accept the fact that i'm going to make out with their boyfriends
about to get into a hot tub with three cops. this cant go well
And then I interrupted the father of the groom, to ask if she was "ballet or pole" in the middle of his story about his niece, the dancer.
But i guess when you use blowjob as a verb you are entitled to some language allowances
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
I may wear a condom to jerk-off tomorrow knowing that my hand has touched surfaces in this bar.
Good morning sunshine. Care to hear the riveting tale of Michelle and the Almost Great Night That Ended In An Early Morning of Karma Emptying It's Bowels On Her Guilty Shoulders?
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude true life I died at the derby...I lost everyone I knew, went down a bourbon and mud slip and slide, lost my hat, fell off the roof of a porta potty, sprained my ankle and knee and then got arrested.
I just chugged whiskey at 7 AM because going to breakfasts at Brendas doesnt seem right if Im not real drunk. I feel like when Brenda takes my order she can tell Im drunk and will take care of me.
You gave my cousin a blowjob and are facebook friends with my mom. Is there a name for this level of friendship?
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
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