its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
How did your new apartment party go last night?
I'm really happy i have a bigger bathroom to puke in.
I don't have a choice really. It's either lose 15 lbs by Halloween, or I'm going as a giant banana.
He threw up in the campfire, the alcohol in his puke caught on fire. Im marrying this man
She didn't need to know her brother was thrown out of a bar for getting head on the dance floor. You're a shit head.
she was trying to use her iTranslate app while we were having sex.
Worst part of blacking out... Waking up and having to do the teeth check
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Im gonna wear a random assortment of things for Halloween, guy with the most creative answer gets laid
You've opened Pandora's butthole my friend. There's no going back.
NO FUCKBOY SHALL PASS OPERATION #BITCHMODE HAS SUCCEEDED
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
He's throwing Skittles into my cleavage and some are rebounding into my crouch.
Well he's scoring either way then.
I just found glitter glue on my jesus bracelet...am I really that gay?
Randomize
