can "i'm close!" be our safe word(s)?
oh geez, wrong person.
Some guy with no shirt on and his pants undone informed us he was kicked out of the cab
I asked him why, and he had absolutely no idea.
yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
Oh, I forgot to ask if u have any idea what happened to the back of my ear and if u were present when I almost fell off the roof...
I have your shoes, your bike, and someones blue underwear. Round 2 tonight?
He wanted to feed hamburgers to the homeless... as a first date... who the fuck is this kid
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
I had sex with marker all over my face so I can do just about anything.
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
no fucks will be given and no pants will be worn
i'll bring the vodka
I miss all the tiny banana hammocks... When can I go back to ogling? I can do it from a lot farther than six feet without any complaints.
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