I didn't realize he wasn't circumcised... it looked like the Unibomber...
If I start taking birth control 8 days after we had sex do you think it'll stop the baby from being made?
I have absolutely nothing sober to say to you.
why did you let me tell everyone that you can get herpes from the ice luge and then let me do the ice luge?
He's hungover and at the neighbour's garage sale negotiating a price for a tuba.
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
You should come by for the fire station blow job tour
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Out of all the things you could eat off of my tits you choose lettuce? Thats so healthy. Yuck.
I was so high. I had so much hair. It was like all my hair follicles exploded.
Pants are for mortals
If body pillows had a built in vibrator attached I would literally never need a boyfriend again
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.
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