I've officially moved beyond college drinking. I just got business drunk at an internship seminar.
guy just got out of the car at the drive in and told his girlfriend "fuck you and your taco" and walked off
What's the appropriate way to phrase "If you ever leave your wife give me a call. But we can still have sex periodically until then."??
raced the clock twice to day to see if i could get off before my computer died and before i left for my noon bar crawl... win, win
lets go back to having secrets in our friendship
I need to throw up and die. The order doesn't matter. I feel like shit
I fucked a guy that's in Sports illustrated. I'm officially ready for college.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
After I'd been making out with her for a good 15 minutes some guy yelled "grab this chicks beer she needs both hands!" And he was right I did need both: god bless jello wrestling.
I really hope you didn't eat the bowl of melted vanilla ice cream I left on the coffee table. Because it is not melted vanilla ice cream.
So you're on like a list there now..."Do not under any circumstances give this person a knife. Serve them in plastic cups ONLY"
Is there a greeting card for "I can't keep being The Other Woman"?
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
No offense, but I don’t think I would want to see him in anything skimpier than a hazmat suit.
Randomize
