I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
Woke up and there was a kayak in the pool. Are you alive?
What do you mean how did you end up there? You told him he had a face you'd like to ride, that's a deal sealer in any language.
we're stoned watching those roller coaster simulators w our hands up screaming on our couch
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I was high and he had on a gorilla suit. Of course I had to take a picture with him
Your a disgrace to smokers everywhere
I have a 16 minute video of you talking about your life. We are calling it your Anthology sponsored by Steel Reserve
There is always the bar, but 2 30 on a Tuesday just screams alcoholism
Holy shit last night was like the irresponsible Olympics for me
Also, if you don't fuck me soon, I will die. I don't want to die like that.
I will teach you the ways of the ho life, my little gay grasshopper.
Did you happen to find my bra? I'm pretty sure I still had it on before we left that bar
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Ate 5 hotdogs today. You need to get me back on my tequila diet cause this shit has to stop!
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