do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
tequila
i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
Same, I didn't even get to be tarzan this summer
Oh and then this old man who saw it happen goes "don't do that"
Hahaha what a helpful old man. Like you thought it was normal to be spilling gas everywhere.
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Now there are two cop cars. If I go to jail I just would like to thank you for making me wear boxers.
thank god my boss can't smell the tequila on my breathe over the phone.
If you can get laid in a rudolph onesie you are doing something right my friend.
SEXX, SEXX, SEXX,SEXX,SEX SEX SEXXXXXXX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEXSEX SEXSEXSEXSEXSEX.\nimagine that to the can can song. also come to my house. theres a dance routine.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
Yes. We drank 3/4 of a handle of vodka, fried and ate a 3lb package of bacon, I tackled the neighbors snowman, made snow angels in our underwear, and then fucked all night. Christmas success.
You're such a good friend. You send me pictures of your boobs when I'm sad. I will always appreciate that.
He just seemed to happy to be having sex with me that it ruined the mood for me. I just wanted to punch him.
And the last thing I remember was you in the bed with the german guy screaming "wrong hole" I laughed n passed out
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
