she makes me feel like im THAT guy in the taylor swift song
how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
Only you could manage to look like a complete slut while wearing a turtle neck.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
its like what part of i just threw up mcdonalds breakfast means i want to make out with you?
Just found bud in my hair....gotta love curls
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
He broke the bed, AND shit in the closet. What a way to lose his virginity. What a night.
Yea, she's 42 I'm 23. Girls our age are terrible. All they need is a divorce and a bottle of wine
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
I went eBay shopping last night. Turns out I brought a Viking drinking horn. I can't even be mad.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
He then used a box cutter I keep in my car to open the plan b. Who says chivalry is dead?
Threesomes are not as fun as you'd think. I left with a black eye and I'm not sure who's to blame.
Randomize
