Oh my god he is having a sentimental moment right now.
He just sent me like a really heartfelt confession of love in which he ended with "make the apt, I'll hold your hand while you get your clit pierced."
Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
There's a stripper banging on the door demanding to see you.
You called in. Quitter. You stayed at home naked drinking again didnt you.
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
You started an entire relationship based only on sex and emoticons.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
I'm texting you the word "cockring" because I feel it hasn't been said enough throughout our friendship.
I woke up to a quacking alarm clock and a rando in my bed. I told him I liked his cargo shorts. Fireball is not my soulmate anymore.
All I know is I woke up with his business card in my bra and in my handwriting on the back it says 8 inch.
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
He just showed up on my porch naked with just a blanket and a trash bag
I was apparently the best non-Irish person at the party. I wore my skating dress, Austrian flag and a giant shamrock. Everyone is calling me "30 Shots Girl".
What do you mean you haven’t had the fantasy of getting anally penetrated by a tentacle monster?
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