if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I'm gonna do some tripping... In the direction of balls
Awkward moment: seeing and saying hey to the MILF you're sleeping with while shopping with your mother and sister.
He put his hand in my cleavage. NOT ON. IN. BETWEEN. NO more gingers
We can Fuck in the shower to save time
And this is why I like you. You're so damn innovative.
Remember that girl that we found passed out in the dorm study room under a pile of money and jimmy johns wrappers? She's standing right on front of me.
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
How is it possible that I'm still a virgin and you've managed to have sex in a cheetah print onesie TWICE
My pubic hair is shaved into the shape of mistletoe.
I hope that's a joke and if not I need a snap of it
WHY IS THERE A FUCKING DILDO IN PLACE OF MY GEAR SHIFTER IN MY CAR?
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
last time we were there you stole a tap from the toilets. How are you confused that your bag is full of baubles you clearly can't stop collecting their furnishings
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
