i just passed a truck with a bumper sticker saying "i'd rather be cummin than strokin." god bless the midwest.
I got drunk and threw up on a kid at the amusement park. I think they're pressing charges.
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
just paid a stripper to have a minute conversation about the arizona game WTF
just once i'd like the "right thing" and the "topless thing" to be the SAME THING
so, what part of "he's slept with a guy" do you not understand?
what's the name of the guy at the bank you blew to get the lower interest rate?
um. wrong number, but good luck with your loan
oh no, don't get me wrong.. she IS really pretty. If you are in to horses or Sarah Jessica Parker.
The cabbie told me fat girls shouldn't wear tight clothes, and that he feels bad for the guys that have to be underneath them, especially because their positions are "very limited" and proceeded to ask me if I had a trash can and if I could throw something away for him. Don't worry though, he promised it wasn't anything "bad". He then handed me a tied up grocery bag with a bunch of wadded up Kleenex that weighed about 3 pounds. To answer your question, yes I made it home. Fml
I WAS a history major. I also WAS a functioning human being. Fuck gin.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
Well, we could've been at the bar taking a shot everytime my rash spread. But Noooooo. You had to go out with your non- girlfriend. Lame.
*goes to show prof a picture* *forgets tit pic is in camera roll*
I asked him if we could have sex sometime and he sent me a three page long text about his feelings for me. that's the only possible situation I've ever run into where a "k" response would have been more appropriate.
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