He told me his mother taught him that move. What the hell do I say to that?
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
you set the microwave for an hour telling me that the done sound was your alarm.
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
You told me you would ride a pig into the night sky screaming, "I wear my sunglasses at night"
NO SHITSVILLE I just saw a homeless dude punch a pigeon that flew by him
The fact that you think I have a life is so flattering to me.
but I'm still not sure how you became more and more fluent in Spanish the drunker you got
I mean we don't talk anymore but I still see him around wearing that sweater he stole from me after we had sex
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
Plus you get to call him out on being a dick. It's more satisfying than ever sex I've ever had.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
He talked me out going to the bar. No one ever talks me out going to the bar..this is fucking love.
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
So the vodka/tequila mix went down fine but the burp made me cry
Randomize
