Chicken burrito, or no deal.
Is that code for my vagina?
Who the fuck has ever referred to a vagina as a chicken burrito
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
You know, there is no convenient place for your beer when you are on shrooms taking a shower.
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
When's a good time to tell your boyfriend you've slept with his ex girlfriend?
She keeps telling me I can't keep feeding the dog my food. I gave half the weed brownie to the dog and half to me. I just want it to taste the greatness of cheezits like I am.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Nothing like drunkenly buying a pregnancy test at 8 am to get out and realize your nip was out the whole time.
Best part about a crippling state-wide drought? Actually having a valid excuse for not showering
I found one of those wine glass confetti bits in my ass crack.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize