how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
Barack Obama mentioned plan B and suddenly this address seems a lot more personal
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I can control the tv with my phone while pooping on the second floor. I thought you should know for future reference
$150 and 3 orgasms. Dogsitting is awesome.
The struggles of a small town man whore
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Just had someone from Hells Angels snort coke off my tits...so I'm pretty much done with life now. 💀
What happened to you last night?
SO. MANY. SHOTS.
We dont have cups... so were doing shots out of bowls like puppies
I walked in on my sister eating my leftover burrito naked. How could my night have gotten any worse?
We got cut off at the bar, but it's okay because I tactically rolled behind the bar and grabbed a bottle of whiskey. Meet me in the back booth when you're done puking in the bathroom. This is about to get real slutty.
i don't think the phrases "so shitty" & "taking care of my newborn" should be combined in the same sentence. leave it to her to make it possible eh?
Randomize