i feel like the song jizz in my pants was made for him.
What's the name of that girl you hooked up with? The one that looks like the fire hose sign.
So there is a chick dressed up in a vagina costume handing out free condoms next to the dude handing out free Bibles and preaching about sin. I love college.
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
I may have been hammered and in a wheelchair but I definitely remember asking the hospital reseptionist to marry me
Chances are I'll be there for your wedding. Camelbaks filled with jack and coke are appropriate attire, right?
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I'm going to replace you with a friend who will be happy when I find a huge penis
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I refuse to have sex with you and your eBay condoms.
I feel like you just railed me after that sext
Done deal I'm dying it right at this moment. I'll need a red Speedo and a half shirt that is extremely tight. Like nipple tight.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
And the next morning he asked me why I had clothes on so I said so that he could take them off again.
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