this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
I think it was our ex-neighbor Mike. He leaves Taco Bell outside our door a lot
He'll drop off his extra tacos at our place bc he's super high when he orders & can't eat them all
Too lazy to get out of my bed thats 2 feet away from you. Are you sure youre alright?
Its not that I'm getting free haircuts... Its just that she is paying for sex with haircuts...
Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.
judging from the number of limes and box of kosher salt on the counter therell be 8.5 gallons of tequila drunk this weekend.
sounds about right
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
My roommate is fucking his gf in the shower and i really have to pee do i just bust in or pee on his bed
Ehh, the third backed out. Two still isn't bad. Who gets a bootycall to pick them up from a bootycall's house anyways? Only me.
Why would you call when you knew I'd be having sex!?
Why would you answer?
sober me needs to have more faith in drunk me.
I don't know what that means but it's making me want to fuck you.
Randomize
