my mario cart skills improve with alchohol. and i think my real car skills do to but the cop didnt see my logic
i just woke up at 8pm naked in my bed, with a fresh haircut. I wonder what barber i went to.
He was wearing a Knicks jersey I had to go home with him. it was a rough season.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
hey, you wanna get together over coffee or something?
is this code for 'i just got broke up with and i need a sympathy dicking'?
how did you know?
I'm pretty sure they kept making references about gangbanging me but I was too stoned to catch on, I just sat there and stared at his kitten.
most desperate stoner moment might have been when we filled the bong up with pond water
desperate times, desperate measures
I m a li title tea p or short and sto u. T.... Here is my haaandley
C ANGT CATCH NE IM THE GIBNGER BREAS MAB
My hungover walk of shame was interrupted by a stranger on a balcony throwing me a beer to shotgun... at 10 a.m....
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
He says the sweetest things but also that he wants to choke me when we fuck so it's kinda perfect.
Holy shit dude........stairs
That was before I lit my hair on fire
Nah, just stick him in a closet with some cheetos, a blunt and soda. The darkness will calm him down until Mallory can be located.
We couldn't find her anywhere. Finally, I saw her sitting in my bathroom floor spraying hair mouse into her mouth and whispering "I fucking love whipped cream." WHAT DID YOU GIVE HER AND CAN I HAVE SOME?
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