Last night was an abortion. I might need a publicist.
i carry sandwiches in my pockets more than any normal person should
Just thought i'd let you guys know that my dad was roofied at a lesbian bar last night...
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Bad breakup?
He posted a pic of me fully naked and smiling as he inserted a carrot into my vagina as my FB profile pic and then changed the PW, locking me out of my own account. So 500 of my closest friends, family, and coworkers now have that mental image of me on FB.
She told me a motorboat isn't successful unless they come out gasping for air. MISSION ACCOMPLISHED!!!
I would like to request a high five for getting laid while wearing crocs and a crab hat.
There is not enough soap in the world to make me feel clean after last night. Im gonna need jesus for this one
So I almost just died there. And we need a new garage door.
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
We smoked before the sunrise hike. I ended up eating a banana and singing Circle of Life as the sun rose over the horizon.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
Smoking weed with a blind guy, don't worry he's chill.
U were so upset when the shower ruined ur nachos. I didn't kno what to do.
I would like you to know, a bag of cheese cubes just attacked me at work.
Randomize
