She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
All I know is that if a letter starts with "I'm aware you jerked off in the bathroom last night," I don't want to finish reading it.
Everyone makes mistakes, yours just means you will forever be known as the chick that tried to steal a cheese plate from the funeral.
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
I command you to take a shot and dance like the pretty little gay boy you are.
No teenage boy ever gets scared away from sex unless she is slipping a wedding ring on your finger or is killing your cat. I promise.
She was a little hefty, so I turned on the strobe light in our room. Everything looks better with a strobe light.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
Im goin to jail bro ill talk to u sun
The cop asked me why my pants were around my knees when he woke me from the sink, i replied "Officer, my underwear is still on, nothing bad happened" then he nodded in acknowledgement and we carried on with the paper work.
All she said was "Do me by Friday."
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
as a lesbian i'd like to thank joe biden and also america for giving us this absolute MILF for a VP
Randomize
