i have the same doorman on the day shift as the guyi shacked with has on the night shift. he just laughed at me when i came home this AM. FML
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
I love reading their "i love you more" , "no i love you more" war on facebook today knowing that he hooked up with me last night. I bet i know who wins that one.
high as fuck. watching parent trap with my mom. keep missing my mouth.
Where was your thought process?
Drowning in my hangover.
She cheated on me with the same state trooper that wrote me a ticket.
I guess now you have a way to keep your license when you bring that up in court.
Dude, you are the most awesome.
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
we got her to the bathroom intime. all she could say was 'now my bladder is empty just like my soul'
Just lectured your brother about using condoms when hooking up with girls he meets online. I should be a fucking life coach
You yell at me for giving you beer but not for licking spilled beer off your chest.
Do you think I could use my teacher of month Award to get free drinks?
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
When I woke up I had 6 missed calls making sure I was ok and asking if I remember showing my tits to a picture of her baby.
Is this because I accidentally peed on you?
Randomize
