Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
i just saw a guiness commercial where the guiness was on the verge of spilling the whole time. i was on the edge of my seat scared shitless. im an alcoholic.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
The freshman sure do fuck up the whataburger line at 2am
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
You'd be surprised at the stuff my vagina tells my brain to say
True freedom is running around a sex club in former power plant in Berlin wearing a boots, a jock
Kings cup with teenagers tonight
Done deal
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
Oh man I missed being single! Two different guys just sent me dick pics during my kid’s little league game.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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