But do you think a lot of ppl use facebook as a masturbation supplement to porn?
Let me make clear that I am not a facebook masturbator
the chair was smiling at me in sociology and i had to try not to burst out laughing.
Only you could turn Mozart into a stripper song.
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Legitimate concern. Who am I going to have birthday sex with?
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
i told myself when i was 16 i would never fuck an Alan. now i've fucked 3 and i'm punching my 16-year-old self in the face
Just dodged a state trooper, your weed will be there shortly. Fear the unbustable!
my ass is still wet. this is highly unpleasant. give me 5 to get changed and I'm all yours. or you can yell things to me while I shower and burn clothes
I am at a point in my life where I don't want to brush my teeth for my tinder date because toothpaste and martinis don't mix.
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I guess what I'm trying to get to is that my dog sneezed on my dick earlier and its really taken the joy out of my evening.
in mid sex he pointed out my great gatsby tattoo and we started discussing themes and metaphors from our fave fitzgerald novels
you need to stop fucking English majors
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Randomize
