Would you let Jessica Biel poop in front of you to see her naked...but you have to wipe her too?
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
so just incase you wake up on the couch wondering how you got there--you came home at 7am, put ice in a cup--then you proceeded to put the cup in the microwave and melt it because you "wanted water". you then, fell down the stairs while saying "you don't know me" then crawled to the couch.
zippers are such a cool invention
You yelled "bananas are an excellent source of pottasium!"4 times in the middle of class. how do you not remember?
I don't even know what potassium is.
What's the most polite way to ask if you puked in my vase?
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Please say a prayer for the elevator people at work today. My farts are significantly more potent the day after hitting that korean place for lunch...
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
Hahahaha who is sleeping in the garage on our beer pong table?
Still dying that you shit outside
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I think it might be the guy sitting next to me. I've concluded he HAS to be smuggling insane amounts of onions in his wardrobe to smell like that
I can't believe I slept with a girl who has the words shucks in her vocabulary. I'm getting less picky by the day..
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