p.s. this guy just tipped me with ecstasy pills. is this real life
I asked my mom, she said yes...but you have to shower with grandpa.
he climbed up to our party on the 2nd floor balcony and then pulled a glass mug and a beer from his knapsack. these freshmen are intense
Riding on an electric horse at the grocery store... dunno how that conversation went but I hope you picked up a 12 pack.
I found her sleepin on the side of the house in the rocks. so i woke her up and yelled at her and she would only come inside if i let her sleep in the bathroom.
I'm going to do lines of vitamin c I cannot be sick for halloween
He said you stopped mid-fuck, called fives on his dick, walked out to grab another drink, and came back.
But on the plus side, what he lacked in size he made up for with speed. And grunting.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
he really is such a sweet guy. it’s a shame i have to break his heart.
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
Why is there a waffle in the knife drawer?
The real question is why are there knives in the waffle drawer.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I just checked and if you bring a picture of your ex they will shred it and give you a free 'hater shot'. Would it be too much to print off one of their wedding pictures and bring it?
I really love that you're not going the 'why am I not married and having a kid yet?' route, but rather 'thank god I dodged that bullet'
Randomize
