i was just lookin through my fb pics and i think im with a cat in like 40% of them..: how sad is my life
filling out my bracket based on schools with ppl I've hooked up with
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I just very easily got pretty high off of one bowl of shitty dirt weed. I'm a sad excuse for who I used to be.
And by defning the relationship I mean telling him I'm gonna fuck other people but its cool If he does the same.
I got laxative. And a toothbrush. Because who wants to buy just laxative on a Friday night?
I would rather you cheat on me then you watch this season of Breaking Bad without me.
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
ELLEHCIM
NYRMAK
DRAHCIR
WHAT??
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
We power houred with shots of red wine. Somehow we ended up with 7 bottles and lost Chris. Trying to find him this hungover is proving very unsuccessful.
Getting blackout drunk infront of my family was never on my bucket list, but now that I've done it I'm cool with it.
this is a mass text: the cage has been opened. repeat, the cage has been opened. a search party will be organized. you are all sloppy bitches. that is all.
Yeah everywhere i go i feel like a 3rd or 5th or (2n+1)th wheel. That's right, i'm a mathematically depressed drunk.
He punched me in the face while giving him road head, because he was driving stick. I shit you not.
Randomize