If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
You're asking the wrong person. I was drunk on nyquil and jager.
That big chick who gave you the handly polished off one of the walls to the ginger bread house right before she came outside. FYI
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
If your nipples ruin my wedding photos I will kill you.
She offered to treat me to breakfast after a one night stand if I meet her parents and sex again if I act as her bf. It may be a trap but its a offer I won't refuse.
that's the second time I've left that bar and slept with the person that's driven my car. thank god I don't take cabs..
I cried while dry heaving in the back of the car to the New York song with jay z in it. I was singing it inbetween gags.
Can't meet up at the party. Gary was caught by the cops attempting to drop a deuce thru his ex wife's Subaru via sun roof. Details as soon as bail is processed.
i just ran butt naked down the hall and someone highfived me. i love college.
I'm drunk and kinda wanna go home but now I have to go have more sex, my boxers are in the dryer
I’m going to lick a fucking door knob when this shit is all over
Probably Waffle House
I would totally suck a dick for some poutine right now
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