at this rate if someone im actually interested in likes me back im going to die of surprise before i even get to make out with them
Where's the Hot Mess Express headed tonight?
I hope that's not the new nickname for my friends and me.
All I can tell you is you will need a rain slicker for tonight's festivities. Any clothes underneath would be highly frowned upon as well.
im just going to wait until i dont feel like the grim reaper is having sex with me
My god. His mom just smacked my ass. Does this mean I'm accepted??
You're not stopping till I see you on the ground trying to hold on to shit
It's the building I live in, they were lucky I was wearing clothes at all
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
You're not drunk til you wake your roommates up screaming at your ceiling fan
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Sorry, I know you're at the airport but a gram of coke is missing so good luck with security!
I just sat on the floor of my shower for 20 minutes to punish myself for drunk me's decisions.
So, I ran into Garrett last night in the laundry room.
Oh really? First post break-up run in. How'd it go? Awkward?
Um. We had sex on a washing machine.
It was like Lady and the Tramp, but just tramp and the tramp. And instead of spaghetti and meatballs, we had whiskey and cups
Randomize
