dude, that girl smelled worse than the great depression.
under NO circumstances is it acceptable to fist pump to taylor swift
no. i just ate a whole thing of hot dogs. me and regret are sleepng alone tonigh.
a price tag just fell out of my vag. i guess its worth $13.99...
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
So apparently there is enough alcohol to get me to agree to going to a strip club, but when I have enough they don't let me in.
gin. gin. Gin. GIN GIN GINGINFFdJH
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Last time I was blackout at Cowbells I was running around screaming “WHERES THE BLOOOWWWW”
High school drama coach is wasted and wanted me to tell you that I’m good at flip cup and you should be very proud of me
Where the hell are you
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