think what you will about my sexuality, just get the cigarettes
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
Like that girl needs to get her shit together. For her vagina's sake.
Yes I was being legit. That's the only plant I want in my house. A growing penis.
passed a homeless guy with a sign that read "420 vetran" we gave him a bowl of bud
I just made cupcakes.... Vodka icing. Results in the morning.
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Don't take a pillow from my bed. You don't know which ones of them my vagina has been on
She is getting high and watching the Hobbit. I want her life.
So she is basically watching her own life story: short people traveling to strange places.
Ugh hungover at a laundromat is a terrible feeling. For some reason I keep getting sucked into staring at the clothes spinning around and around and it makes me want to profusely projectile vomit everywhere
Randomize
