just witnessed a squirrel raping another squirrel. i couldn't look away.
He can hate all he wants but were fucking with these crocs on
yep. he's not circumcised. how did it take me six months to realize THAT?
Get here now. This is going to be possibly my most dangerous idea ever, and I'm the guy who challenged a hobo to a breakdance fight.
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
You haven't puked in my sink in over a year.. Youre coming over this weekend
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
Pretty sure that molly fried my sinus infection away; i regret nothing
Some nice lady just gave me a beer out of her purse. I love youth hockey
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
you flipped over the sheets and there was my bed. filled with ding dongs.
i need to get drunk because i'm an angry sober
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
