In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
Omg 230 lb butch lesbian with a mustache grabbed my dick. I need an adult
I am currently explaining what double penetration is to the bridesmaid I hooked up with at my cousin's wedding. This is my life.
Haha you were definitely messed up. Let me know if you need anything
Could really use a time machine and a higher self esteem, in that order
Just made a jeopardy bj game. Every question has 10-50 seconds on it and if he's right that's how many he gets.
I stole something. Which direction out are you guys gonna go
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
Got promoted and on my way out the door was informed that my beard makes my face perfect for riding. Today is gonna be a good day.
Great news. I WILL BE FUCKING IN A BOUNCY HOUSE TOMORROW.
You mentioned his name and i threw up a little.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
when the cops came she just started yelling at them "Fuck the police! freedom of speech bitches!"
Randomize
