u know ur in oregon when the cop tells u to keep the beer cans he made u pour out so u can recycle them
I'm sorry I murdered your sperm with my alcohol saturated Olympic uterus.
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
Like do you hear me I PUKED IN MY OWN HANDS AND HE STILL SAID I WAS GORGEOUS
You're not supposed to support this behaviour, btw the judge recognized me
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
When you and that girl went into the bedroom, you yelled "FOR NARNIA!"
This is gonna be a long day for my vagina and I
He facetimed with his son when he was still inside of me. If that's not a dedicated dad I don't know what is
That shit was hard as fuck. It felt like a mountain entering my vagina.
I think my time would be better spent seducing the TA then trying to save this paper.
Just FYI: if you happen to notice a liquid of some sort on my kitchen counter with an interesting color/ texture, don't taste it
At least they took the pillow of my bed before they had sex. My friends are so polite.
Randomize
