hahah your definitly as dumb as I think I thought you are. boom roasted.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
I will fuck him senseless, no need for a priest.
I only have one eye to read your texts because I just stabbed one out after reading that last text.
I have reached the state of intoxication where it is now a requirement to sit while peeing.
To be honest i'm almost glad he got arrested. His girlfriend and i kept making out so i'm pretty sure the alternative was a threesome. Now we're just the trashy girls who visit him in jail.
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
I think I just got propositioned for sex by the lady behind the counter at dunkin donuts
I just spent 20 minutes in a Subway trying to take a candid photo of the doppleganger of the guy I lost my virginity to instead of eating. That's all the evidence I need that my life is on track.
Sex and sushi don't even sound good right now... I might be on my death bed. To my Liz, I leave my extensive movie collection and my drinking supplies. To Olive I leave my car. Cause every Scottish terrier needs a 2010 Camaro.
I hung my underwear from the tree in his front yard. Consider my territory marked.
So I may have to sleep with a cougar to get a slightly used, yet free microwave. I'm going in
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
I left you a really long drunk voicemail and I remember something about a bat
Randomize
