in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
I've heard so many rumors about me being taken home in an ambulance I'm starting to believe them.
we should probably just go check in at the police station right now
Tell me you didn't really piss in the hookah.
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At this point I will cuddle anything to prevent from dying alone
She was rubbing her face on the carpet, she was high.
well it got awkwardly quiet so i looked up, slapped his stomach, said "youre the best!" while pointing at him, and went right back to sucking his dick.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
That dick was not the dick of a twenty year old
shit i just threw up on a freshman
i don't know if i should laugh or feel bad..
nevermind it was a sophmore, laugh.
Nope. I'm an adult now. I can successfully avoid to vomit in defiance of the porcelain god\n
Randomize
