i just borrowed 5 dollars from my eight year old sister. i'm at a new low
i keep telling myself in the mirror "get undrunk"
I just high-fived this girl after she swallowed.
I am so horny I keep driving over the rumble strips... best half hour ever.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
He is to the point where he forgot I was in the front seat of his car while he was taking me home...that stoned
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
Dude if you're not gonna answer them I'm gonna stop snapchatting you my hook ups
Turn on the Discovery Channel
Lets fuck to motorcycle gang fighting
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
I knew it was on when all she had to say about the handcuffs was 'I really hope these adjust tighter!'
Can we just get drunk and watch the Birdcage please I have no tolerance for straight men today
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
I managed to convince her that the egg yolks were actually orange juice and she fell for it
Randomize
