she is unbelievable! ever pee on a girl?
not while she was awake
So I got a little fucked up on the punch, and made out with the family friend. Which is apparently morally reprehensible. I don't get that.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
the way i see it him paying 500 bucks for my fake abortion is karma's way of punishing him for cheating on his wife
Jenna and Ryan are ranting and raving about child custody. MY VASECTOMY SMILES.
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
It's not quite a landing strip... It's more like a soul patch for my vagina.
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
We shaved off his eyebrows I'm pretty sure his fiance will be thrilled at the wedding
I just saw a bunch of drunk old guys riding on the side of a modified old fire truck yelling at cars and smoking while they looked for parking...promise we will be just like them when we grow up?
I'm craigslisting fire trucks as we speak
Most desperate stoner moment; dropped our hard earned resin ball in the sand, rinsed it off and then did knife hits in the kitchen cuz we broke our only pipe
I feel awkward giving career advice while naked
There are both cum and chocolate stains on my sheets. Can't decide whether this is a new low or a new high.
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
