my roommate just said, "don't look at it, just put it iin your mouth"
come home now. i got a twizzler tangled in my hair again
Just made a Mimosa with Chardonnay and Emergen-C.
I miss old school porno. There just isn't any love in porn these days.
She just flushed the toilet with her head inside it...
That's the international "my vagina is unoccupied, come talk to us" chant. You have your mission. Go.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
Normally this is when girls give blow jobs. That's how you mentally condition them to put up with PMSing, because they see the shinny blowjob light at the end of the tunnel.
His encouragement of my recreational drug use is the backbone of our nonrelationship. That, and rough animal sex and loud music.
I'm running late...how do you explain period shits to your boss?
Text me later if you aren't dead and wanna have a drink later
I'm out of breath and my thighs burn but at least it's over.
I'm so high right now that I winked back at a character in this TV show.
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My face is going numb. I think it's time I call it quits
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