i've decided that sluttiness is like a disease, it can lay dormant in you for years and then one day you go to college and with all the booze and drugs and boys and time on your hands symptoms begin to show then one day BAM you're a huge slut. it's like how izzie had skin cancer and it grew into brain cancer.
I cannot believe you needed a note to remind yourself to ask me about the fourteen sleeping Mexicans.
he refused to get me toilet paper before we started drinking so I keep wiping with his towel.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
Reading my bank statement stoned makes me feel like an adult.
The perfect world is just rainbows and rocknroll and good sex. With the occasional stripper ridIng a horse. I spelled occasionally right?
this lady just pulled corn on the cob out of her purse
People like that make this world a better place.
You looked up at me and said "I'm getting a mattress made out of this SHIT. Goodbye certa hellllllllo concrete!" then you started counting sheep
Please show REO speedwagon ur boobs for me.
Drunk logic "let's go outside in front of the bar to get sick"
I just recorded myself pooping, then uploaded to google drive, then connected to my pc through teamviewer then downloaded it, then played it to the living room while still pooping. God I love the internet.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
And I mean really who loses their phone in a tree
I had cheese pancakes which is pretty much just melting cheese in a frying pan and then eating it except youre in denial that your life is a wreck
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Randomize
